Nations of the Mind - July 30th, 2007

I'm trying something new today. I'm going to intersperse the horrible news clips with the amusing stuff, in hopes that we'll either be able to digest the serious stuff without slitting our wrists or alternatively get whiplash and be able to sue The Universe for a zillion skatrillion dollars.

Matthew Baldwin offers a tip for surviving life with an IKEA addict with the IKEA video game walkthru. This has to be a good thing because apparently some people are so obsessed with the IKEA experience that two stores in Oslo, Norway are letting dedicated shoppers stay overnight. "There will be the regular dormitory with lots of beds stacked up together. We will also have a bridal suite, with a round bed and a hanging chandelier, and the luxury suite, where customers can enjoy breakfast in bed," he said. Family rooms will also be available for parents and children to join into the Ikea fun. None of the guests will be charged for their stay."

Let me say that again - a bridal suite. And the hostel is in the warehouse. God, Norwegians must be amazingly trustworthy. Can you imagine what they'd find in the morning if they tried that in the States?

Let me put it this way. It is not unheard of here to see signs in DIY stores reminding people not to pee in the display toilets sitting out in the middle of the sales floor.

Homeland Security signs scary new personal-info-sharing deal, Americans so numbed by daily barrages of this Nazi crap no one blinks. Thank you, Mr. Chertoff, for protecting us from the looming threat of gay left-handed paraplegic midgets. Twunt.

Funniest line: "Washington assured the European Union that its citizens will continue to have the same administrative protections as Americans to obtain information collected about them and to seek to correct errors." Uh, Europe? I have some bad news. You'd better sit down.

(Archived behind the cut just in case)

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And here's a plastic dog that plugs into your USB port and humps your computer to make it all better.

Here from Matthew Baldwin again, by way of The Morning News, is a quick-and-dirty (and funny) primer explaining what the hell happened with Bush and the attorney general and all that crap.

...and someone has posted Edward Gorey's Gashleycrumb Tinies.

There. Do we all feel better/worse?

More privacy violation, subcategory WTF. Hospital reserves the right to release your medical records to protect the president. And oh yeah, contractors. And morticians.

And here is a lesson to us all about taking teh intarweb drama too seriously. Some guy got the worst of a flamewar, found out his opponent's RL identity, drove 1300 miles (posting "I'm-getting-closer" snapshots all the way) and burned the guy's house down. (Note: when we say "jeez, some people need to get out more!" this is not what we generally have in mind.)

And oh yeah, a webcomic: Harry Potter and the Deathly Spoilers. (Contains no actual spoilers, although it's been a week, people, come on, read faster!</a>

Behold, the latest high-fashion hairstyles for very small children.

#3 is pretty in a weirdly Victorian-child-vampire kind of way, but I can't get the creepy kid from Dune out of my head when looking at her. Did they shave her forehead or what? #4 looks like the "before" picture. #5 looks like the last thing the kid from The Shining saw before the elevator filled up with blood. #7 says "style" almost as loudly as it says "Mommy's off her meds and going for the weed-whacker!" I mean seriously, do you want your child to be swirlied every single day for his entire school career?

And are they seriously suggesting I need to teach my seven-year-old how to mousse?